Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Winter wonderland!

Lots of snow on the ground, yay! Roads haven't been to bad. Driving Justin's old car till he can get mine working again. I get the keys to the house today!! To bad I don't think I can stay there b/c then I wont have a way to get around :( I guess this weekend will have to do. I will be working at Coffee Traders for the next few Sundays so that will help out with the cash situation. I have been pretty good about skimping on spending, and I haven't been out to eat or have drinks (obviously) in a few months so that helps too!

Haven't felt to bad either. I think my appetite is returning, and it is really strong :) Need to be careful that I don't pig out!! It is really hard. I want to buy some sort of candy or crackers every time I am at the store!! My next appointment is the second week of december or the third...can't remember. I wrote it down somewhere. Everything seems to be going fairly normal. I have had "allergies" or something for the past 3 months. Sneezing hard every day to the point of a bloody nose, and at night my nose is totally filled with ick. Makes me sleep with my mouth open and therefore my lips are getting cracked....how attractive! But besides that I feel good. I do feel really heavy and slow when I work at Coffee Traders. I need to get back into the gym now that my energy is returning. Of course now I am moving to a different town than my gym is in :( Oh well, there is a really nice park by my new house that I can take walks at after work with Charlie. Just need to buy some YakTraks, so I don't slip.

Alright, off to work! xo

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Heartbeat....

Yesterday I got to hear the little heartbeat. :D It was fairly faint, but it was there and it was fast. Around 160 beats per minute according to the nurse. The midwife wasn't there, she had to patients go into delivery, so I will get to see her next Monday. They some blood and urine samples, and all the boring stuff. So next time I'll just get to meet the midwife and talk to her. Have her answer any of my questions.

Today I'm going to look at a small 1 bedroom house in Kalispell by the park where I like to eat my lunch. I'll report back later. I need to run to the store now and grab Charlie some food. Bad mommy, should have done that yesterday!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Feeling much better!

Had a bit of an upset stomach this morning, but I am feeling better as I am more and more awake. Just about the middle of last week I could start feeling my uterus. It must have gotten a bit bigger b/c when I press down on my lower abdomen, I can feel a hard lump. And coincidentally it, it them presses on my bladder and makes me feel like I have to pee :) I feel like I have to pee all the time actually. I think that will only get worse, and I'm pretty sure it will never be the same according to my mom who almost pees her pants every time she sneezes, or coughs to hard. Ahhh the beauty of having children!

I have started to read this book called Origin, by Ann Paul, about fetal origins. It is pretty interesting. Also am trying (kind of) to put myself on a lower sodium diet. The girl I work with had blown up like a balloon from water retention. Her hands and feet are so swollen she can barely move them. I don't want that to happen to me! She also is still smoking from time to time, and was told she gained to much weight by her doctor so her circumstances are different. I just want to try and keep as healthy as possible, but also it is so hard to resist those favorite snacks of mine! WILL POWER!!

My mom says to stop worrying so much and just enjoy it. It's not that I am worried exactly, I just want to try and avoid any complications. Also want to provide the best environment for the little muffin to bake in :D According to studies, what I do, what I eat, how I feel emotionally, and my physical environment all have an impact on the baby! That is a lot of responsibility, I don't want to take it lightly...so onto different matters....

Gary and I will be married on the 27th of December. It is a Monday. I made an appointment with the Justice of the Peace at the Flathead County Courthouse. It will be short and sweet. Gary's mom reminded him that the 27th is his Opa Hugo's birthday, so I am glad I picked that day after all! I bought Gary's ring last week. It is just something for now, when we have our "real wedding" I am sure we will get something else. Something that matches what I will have. But for now I got this one pictured here.

My parent's will also be visiting at that time. They are actually flying!! My dad hasn't flown since 2003 when we went to Norway. He HATES flying. He told my mom that when he thinks about it he gets sick to his stomach. Of course he didn't say anything like that to me! He will get some Valium from his doctor to help ease the anxiety. I hope it wears off fairly quickly as the flight is only 1 hour and 20 mins tops. Oh, poor dad. He also isn't happy that he wont have his own vehicle here. Such a control freak. My mom said that she thinks they will just rent something when they get here. My mom is going to come with me down to Missoula when I pick up Gary. That will be nice to have the company on that 2 hour drive. It might take longer with the snow on the roads. We will see. We haven't had a flake of snow yet. Strange.

Tonight I'm going to dinner at my brother's house. There will a ton of kids there, so that should be some good practice! I think I'll go and pick up Bjorn this afternoon and take him out for a bit with me. I don't have much of anything fun planned, but I thought I would just take him shopping with me and give him some alone time, and give Mike and Anna some alone time with Willem. That is it for today!

Monday, November 1, 2010

I have...

nothing good to say right now. I am not exactly thrilled about anything at this moment. I am freezing cold, hating my living situation, sick of feeling like I am never going to be settled anywhere, drained, and I don't have any energy to do anything. I didn't go to the gym at all last week. SO LAME. I can't get out of bed, and I don't want to be around anyone. Being depressed is really not good for the baby, but I don't know what I can do to feel any better right now.

I have work to be doing here at home, and I don't want to do it.

I called the courthouse today to make an "appointment" to be married. I thought I would want it this way, but it just seems so rushed, informal, like an arrangement or agreement. It feels unromantic, mundane, or like just part of a process at this point. I know that isn't what it is in reality, but it is what it feels like right now. It makes me sad.

I really hate living here right now. Beth is here at all times, and she is starting to wear on my nerves. I feel like I just have to hide in my room at all times. Even after I move, I know I wont be "settled." I know I'll be moving again when Gary gets here. I can't set up a room for the baby, I can't decorate, I can't really gather any belongings for the baby. It makes me sad.

I haven't put on any make-up or attempted to look half-way normal for work in weeks. I look like a cow in everything I own....and that has jack shit to do with this kid. It makes me sad.

I guess my hormones are just out of whack, but even as I write this I have to fight back the urge to burst into tears. I just want to go to sleep for a week!

Thinking about having the baby the other day was making me sad to. I don't really have anyone here that I feel comfortable depending on if Gary isn't here. No one to go with me to any sort of parenting, birthing class. It makes me sad.

:(

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

How will it all work out?????????????

The hits just keep coming...............

At this point I don't know how it is all going to work out, but it has to doesn't it?

Have to stay positive right? How?

With so many good things in my life, how can one bad thing can just blow them all away.

What are we going to do?

How can we fix this?

Lots of things to sleep on tonight....lots of things to pray on.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Moving on....out!

I think I'm going to move out sooner or later. Living basically with a couple isn't cool. Beth is here pretty much at all times, and it is just making me feel more lonely that necessary! I found a few places online but I'm sure they will be taken up by the time I can actually get out of here. I can't just leave Justin high and dry. I'm going to talk to him after work today to see what he can do. He might be able to find a new roommate quickly and I can get out. Rent for November is coming up, so I'm not sure how it's going to work out exactly. Anyway, Gary and I spent a few hours on the phone thinking of girl names. I have a feeling it is going to be a girl, but you never know. So here is the list so far: Liv, Marit, Eileen/Aileen, Erinn, Ingrid, Rowan. Girl names are really hard to choose. In the end I would like to end up with something that isn't to feminine sounding. I am leaning towards Liv, Marit or Rowan so far. I'm sure when the baby is born we will know right away.

Oh my God, just thinking about actually birthing this baby just made my stomach drop! I am not going to lie, I'm scared out of my mind! Going to try to do this as naturally as possible. I think in the long run it is best for the baby to have no drugs in our system! Wish me luck!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Blech

Nothing good to report for today. Feeling depressed. Off to babysit now.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Walking...

Only 1.5 miles today. I was really tired. I'm just glad that I actually made it there!! Feeling good. I didn't feel like eating anything today. Nothing sounds good, so it is dinner time and I am starving now. Still--nothing sounds good! Grrrrr. Oh, well....french fries sound good, but I'm not having those!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Nothing new to note...

Nothing much new here. I can't really think of a good baby reason to blog today (or in the past few days). But on mommy & daddy happenings.....Gary's band has booked 2 shows for next spring in Europe. He is very excited and all the promotion surrounding the show is very cool.

Gary also made contact with his dad after a few years of not talking. I think this baby will be a good thing in more ways that one ;) They have a tendency to bring families together!

As far as the baby goes, everything is good. Just been tired lately. Working out in the mornings still, got up to 1.75 miles in 30 minutes. Trying to eat well, its not that easy!! I keep craving cheetos, and pizza....and all things that are salty and fatty!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Bad night....

Didn't sleep very well last night. Watched to much Law & Order: SVU, and when Gary didn't answer his phone all night, I just knew it was b/c some one had killed him. Turns out he just konked out hard on the the sofa and didn't hear his phone the million times that I called him...or so he says...... :D

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sleeping....

I am not sleeping very well, and it makes for a looooong day. I'm going to hit the gym and see if that will help. I feel fine besides of that. Woke up today and yesterday with a mildly upset stomach. I have been ignoring my lactose intolerance and eating lots of dairy, so that is probably why. I think I'll hit the drug store and see if I can't find some of those pills that help you digest dairy. I am taking a calcium supplement and two vitamin d3's to help absorb the calcium. It's 8:30 am, and I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with myself today. I think I'm going to have banana splits with Bjorn at some point. Maybe after his nap, I'm not sure. I'll have to call Annelies. Anyway--I think I'll get out of my pajamas (seeing as how I didn't yesterday!) and find something to do with myself!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Oh man!

The baby wanted me to have pizza for dinner....I can't say no to him/her!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Good morning! I had a great sleep last night, didn't wake up once! Got up at 6:10 and hit the gym. It's actually hard to just hop on the treadmill and walk, I want to run after a while. Anyway, I only walked for a half an hour at 3.6 with a 3.5 incline. Enough to break a little sweat. I ended up walking 1.65 miles. Yesterday I only did 1.5, so I think I'll set a goal of 2 miles in half an hour for two weeks from now.

I'm starting to get really excited for the holidays. It will be so nice to have my mom & dad here, to meet Gary. I'm going to line up a couple of fun activities for Gary and I to do, to get the full experience of a snowy white Montana Christmas :D I won't have any spare money for gifts, so I better start thinking of a craft right now!! Last year I baked some things, and made some note cards. Maybe I'll make some personalized notepads this year?? Just a thought.

I guess I'm supposed to write about the baby here, huh? Nothing much to report for now. I feel really good, and I'm trying to eat healthy and maintain a positive healthy attitude. I think it is going well so far. I should note, that Emily has decided that we should have a girl, and that she should be called either Olivia, or Katie. HA! I'll keep that in mind Emily :) I'm thinking more along the lines of a Scandinavian name (I like the name Mai...Norwegian for May of course the month of Gary & my birthday, or Liv), or something like that. If it is a boy, Gary would really like to carry on his family name of Hugo, and I think that would be great. I love the name, its classic.

Anyway, time to make my lunch and hit the road.

xo

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Family

Getting pretty excited and the thought of having my own family here shortly. Can't wait till Gary gets here and we have our own home. At first the idea kind of freaked me out. Having a kid means the end to your life, right?!?!!? Nah, just the beginning of a new chapter that will blow all the other chapters right out of the water. I'm sure there will be challenging times, but in the end you create your own little support unit where each member helps the others grow.

All my friends tell me I'm going to be a good mom, actually I think my friend Michelle said "I wish you were my mom!" HAHA, I don't know about that, but I am definitely going to give it my best effort!!

This morning I got up early and went to the gym. Just did 30 minutes on the treadmill at an incline. Got my heart rate up to 140 or so, I think that will do just fine. I'm going to try and go at least 4 times a week to start. I really should have 30 minutes of cardio a day....but I'm just going to start out slow.

Have to get ready for work now!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Mornings....

Seems like every morning I wake up to some sore of new blemish on my face. I rarely get pimples or anything of the sort...this is one side effect I'm not sure if I can stay positive about....well...this and the possibility of getting hemroids.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Initial Reactions

So un-officially I am 6ish weeks pregnant. I don't feel all that different. I think the initial feelings of sickness, may have just been caused by the weeks of straight work I pulled off to afford my ticket to see Gary (stress etc...).

It is a strange feeling. Everything in my life has officially changed, but I don't look any different, I don't feel any different. My daily routine hasn't changed for the most part...I guess all of that kicks in in the months to come.

I am keeping this little blog b/c Gary can't be here to experience all of the wonderful parts of the pregnancy...this is as close as it's going to get for now. In part, it is also to document this little adventure so we can read it again later!

Anyway... I suppose I should document in some way my initial reactions to finding out the good news, and the sharing of the said news with all the important players in my life. My first reaction, honestly was really happy. I couldn't believe it, then the "what the f*ck am I going to do" set in. How can I afford this, how can I do this alone in the case that Gary can't get here, what am I going to tell my parents, what about child care, how can I pay my rent if I'm not working...AAAAAHHHHHHHH! Maybe every couple has these feelings, I don't know. I mean, you can plan and plan and plan for a baby, but are you ever really prepared? In those terms, maybe this happy little accident could have never really been prepared for!

I knew right away that Gary would be happy at first just like me. I think he laughed (a bit nervously) at first. Maybe b/c he wanted to be REALLY excited but all those logical questions were inhibiting a full blown "YAHOOO!" Also just like me, I think the WTF set in and things were kind of emotional for a few days there. After a week or so I told my parents, and my family and that was very nerve wracking. I'm not sure why, but in the end everyone was very happy for me despite of the unorthodox circumstances.

After Gary told his mom & step-dad, and spent the Thanksgiving holiday with his friends he was much more excited that he seemed before. His friends were telling him that he seemed happier than he had before to them, so that made me smile :D

So in the grand scheme of things, no, this won't be the easiest or most normal pregnancy adventure but like my mom said "everything will be just fine!"