Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Not good at this blogging thing....

Well, it is now January 11, 2011. Gary came out for the holidays, and we were married on December 27th. It was easy and simple, and perfect. I had a few emotional out bursts...pregnancy, and we were both super sick with colds. We got the chance to stop by the midwife's office and see the baby on ultrasound, and hear it's little heart beating. It was precious. Gary got it on film too. We had a good 9 days, it was way to short though and saying goodbye was horrible. It was way harder than I thought. Gary will be back in March (cross the fingers!) and we can get settled a bit before he leaves for the Netherlands in April. I can't wait till he comes back. I am getting bigger by the day and I wish he was here to see how things develop :( It seems like over night I just popped! Last weigh in I had gained 5 lbs, but my belly is rrrround. Even more round than just a week ago when Gary left I swear. Its crazy. I have good and bad days. I have no problem looking pregnant, or getting a big belly...but sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't see a pregnant woman I just see a big round woman. No fun! I am getting tired again early in the night now just like in the first few months. Seems like around 8:00, it is bed time...it is now 9:00, and I think I'll do just that. Night night....and to my new husband: I love you and miss you. Thank you for marrying me...try and be patient with me :D xo

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Winter wonderland!

Lots of snow on the ground, yay! Roads haven't been to bad. Driving Justin's old car till he can get mine working again. I get the keys to the house today!! To bad I don't think I can stay there b/c then I wont have a way to get around :( I guess this weekend will have to do. I will be working at Coffee Traders for the next few Sundays so that will help out with the cash situation. I have been pretty good about skimping on spending, and I haven't been out to eat or have drinks (obviously) in a few months so that helps too!

Haven't felt to bad either. I think my appetite is returning, and it is really strong :) Need to be careful that I don't pig out!! It is really hard. I want to buy some sort of candy or crackers every time I am at the store!! My next appointment is the second week of december or the third...can't remember. I wrote it down somewhere. Everything seems to be going fairly normal. I have had "allergies" or something for the past 3 months. Sneezing hard every day to the point of a bloody nose, and at night my nose is totally filled with ick. Makes me sleep with my mouth open and therefore my lips are getting cracked....how attractive! But besides that I feel good. I do feel really heavy and slow when I work at Coffee Traders. I need to get back into the gym now that my energy is returning. Of course now I am moving to a different town than my gym is in :( Oh well, there is a really nice park by my new house that I can take walks at after work with Charlie. Just need to buy some YakTraks, so I don't slip.

Alright, off to work! xo

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Yesterday I got to hear the little heartbeat. :D It was fairly faint, but it was there and it was fast. Around 160 beats per minute according to the nurse. The midwife wasn't there, she had to patients go into delivery, so I will get to see her next Monday. They some blood and urine samples, and all the boring stuff. So next time I'll just get to meet the midwife and talk to her. Have her answer any of my questions.

Today I'm going to look at a small 1 bedroom house in Kalispell by the park where I like to eat my lunch. I'll report back later. I need to run to the store now and grab Charlie some food. Bad mommy, should have done that yesterday!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Feeling much better!

Had a bit of an upset stomach this morning, but I am feeling better as I am more and more awake. Just about the middle of last week I could start feeling my uterus. It must have gotten a bit bigger b/c when I press down on my lower abdomen, I can feel a hard lump. And coincidentally it, it them presses on my bladder and makes me feel like I have to pee :) I feel like I have to pee all the time actually. I think that will only get worse, and I'm pretty sure it will never be the same according to my mom who almost pees her pants every time she sneezes, or coughs to hard. Ahhh the beauty of having children!

I have started to read this book called Origin, by Ann Paul, about fetal origins. It is pretty interesting. Also am trying (kind of) to put myself on a lower sodium diet. The girl I work with had blown up like a balloon from water retention. Her hands and feet are so swollen she can barely move them. I don't want that to happen to me! She also is still smoking from time to time, and was told she gained to much weight by her doctor so her circumstances are different. I just want to try and keep as healthy as possible, but also it is so hard to resist those favorite snacks of mine! WILL POWER!!

My mom says to stop worrying so much and just enjoy it. It's not that I am worried exactly, I just want to try and avoid any complications. Also want to provide the best environment for the little muffin to bake in :D According to studies, what I do, what I eat, how I feel emotionally, and my physical environment all have an impact on the baby! That is a lot of responsibility, I don't want to take it lightly...so onto different matters....

Gary and I will be married on the 27th of December. It is a Monday. I made an appointment with the Justice of the Peace at the Flathead County Courthouse. It will be short and sweet. Gary's mom reminded him that the 27th is his Opa Hugo's birthday, so I am glad I picked that day after all! I bought Gary's ring last week. It is just something for now, when we have our "real wedding" I am sure we will get something else. Something that matches what I will have. But for now I got this one pictured here.

My parent's will also be visiting at that time. They are actually flying!! My dad hasn't flown since 2003 when we went to Norway. He HATES flying. He told my mom that when he thinks about it he gets sick to his stomach. Of course he didn't say anything like that to me! He will get some Valium from his doctor to help ease the anxiety. I hope it wears off fairly quickly as the flight is only 1 hour and 20 mins tops. Oh, poor dad. He also isn't happy that he wont have his own vehicle here. Such a control freak. My mom said that she thinks they will just rent something when they get here. My mom is going to come with me down to Missoula when I pick up Gary. That will be nice to have the company on that 2 hour drive. It might take longer with the snow on the roads. We will see. We haven't had a flake of snow yet. Strange.

Tonight I'm going to dinner at my brother's house. There will a ton of kids there, so that should be some good practice! I think I'll go and pick up Bjorn this afternoon and take him out for a bit with me. I don't have much of anything fun planned, but I thought I would just take him shopping with me and give him some alone time, and give Mike and Anna some alone time with Willem. That is it for today!

Monday, November 1, 2010

I have...

nothing good to say right now. I am not exactly thrilled about anything at this moment. I am freezing cold, hating my living situation, sick of feeling like I am never going to be settled anywhere, drained, and I don't have any energy to do anything. I didn't go to the gym at all last week. SO LAME. I can't get out of bed, and I don't want to be around anyone. Being depressed is really not good for the baby, but I don't know what I can do to feel any better right now.

I have work to be doing here at home, and I don't want to do it.

I called the courthouse today to make an "appointment" to be married. I thought I would want it this way, but it just seems so rushed, informal, like an arrangement or agreement. It feels unromantic, mundane, or like just part of a process at this point. I know that isn't what it is in reality, but it is what it feels like right now. It makes me sad.

I really hate living here right now. Beth is here at all times, and she is starting to wear on my nerves. I feel like I just have to hide in my room at all times. Even after I move, I know I wont be "settled." I know I'll be moving again when Gary gets here. I can't set up a room for the baby, I can't decorate, I can't really gather any belongings for the baby. It makes me sad.

I haven't put on any make-up or attempted to look half-way normal for work in weeks. I look like a cow in everything I own....and that has jack shit to do with this kid. It makes me sad.

I guess my hormones are just out of whack, but even as I write this I have to fight back the urge to burst into tears. I just want to go to sleep for a week!

Thinking about having the baby the other day was making me sad to. I don't really have anyone here that I feel comfortable depending on if Gary isn't here. No one to go with me to any sort of parenting, birthing class. It makes me sad.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

How will it all work out?????????????

The hits just keep coming...............

At this point I don't know how it is all going to work out, but it has to doesn't it?

Have to stay positive right? How?

With so many good things in my life, how can one bad thing can just blow them all away.

What are we going to do?

How can we fix this?

Lots of things to sleep on tonight....lots of things to pray on.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Moving on....out!

I think I'm going to move out sooner or later. Living basically with a couple isn't cool. Beth is here pretty much at all times, and it is just making me feel more lonely that necessary! I found a few places online but I'm sure they will be taken up by the time I can actually get out of here. I can't just leave Justin high and dry. I'm going to talk to him after work today to see what he can do. He might be able to find a new roommate quickly and I can get out. Rent for November is coming up, so I'm not sure how it's going to work out exactly. Anyway, Gary and I spent a few hours on the phone thinking of girl names. I have a feeling it is going to be a girl, but you never know. So here is the list so far: Liv, Marit, Eileen/Aileen, Erinn, Ingrid, Rowan. Girl names are really hard to choose. In the end I would like to end up with something that isn't to feminine sounding. I am leaning towards Liv, Marit or Rowan so far. I'm sure when the baby is born we will know right away.

Oh my God, just thinking about actually birthing this baby just made my stomach drop! I am not going to lie, I'm scared out of my mind! Going to try to do this as naturally as possible. I think in the long run it is best for the baby to have no drugs in our system! Wish me luck!